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Last Updated on April 15, 2020 by Diane Hoffmaster
I am blessed to live in a fairly decent school district. While Georgia is not generally known for it's quality education, we managed to get into a decent school district and my kids were placed into the gifted program in first grade. As a result, they have had an assortment of high level math classes, great opportunities for scientific research, and some fairly outside the box thinking. I'm lucky that their school offers classes for kids that really challenge them intellectually. Now that they are teens I am totally incapable of helping them with their homework. If you ever want to feel completely ignorant, just try helping a 14 year old with his trigonometry homework. Despite the amazing opportunities my kids have taken part in, I can't help thinking that there are a number of important things that my children remain ignorant of. These high level classes for kids are challenging them intellectually but not providing much in the way of useful life information. I mean, honestly, when is the last time you had to use trigonometry in your daily life? I decided my kids need a few basic, remedial classes to help them integrate into society, become independent and not embarrass themselves in social situations. Here are just a few real life classes for kids that I need to enroll my children in:
Classes for Kids That Would Actually be Useful
How to Not Embarrass Yourself at the Dinner Table: Topics include inexcusable bodily functions, proper posture, which utensil to use for each course, and how NOT to insult the cook with gagging noises and rude comments. If time allows, we will also cover which topics to NOT discuss at the dinner table. Most of which involve bodily functions or anything you overheard in the locker room.
Dishwasher loading 101: Forget advanced geometry and learn how to properly fit plates and bowls into their correct slots in the dishwasher. Not to mention remembering to put in one of mom's DIY dishwasher tablets before you start it!. Complicated analysis of dishwasher layout will be followed with practice drills to see who can load the most dirty dishes into the dishwasher without breaking anything.
Hangers: An in depth analysis: The proper usage of hangers is a seriously undervalued skill. Learn how to properly hang pants, shirts, and accessories on these useful gadgets to prevent excessive laundry creation. At the end of the course you will have to prove competency by keeping your closet floor free of clothing for an entire week.
The Joy of Garbage: Learn how taking out the garbage without being asked can bring joy to the life of you and your parents. Class will include proper garbage bag closure and what to do in case of leakage. Fee required to pay for garbage bags.
The Basics of Human Interaction: In today's digital world there is more time spent taking selfies and instagraming your lunch than actually talking to real people. To complete this course, student must be able to walk to their friends house, knock on the door and convince them to come outside without any assistance from an electronic device.
These are just a few of the useful skills I think my kids are lacking in, despite being able to recite the Greek alphabet and solve complicated algebraic formulas. Yes, these are things they should be learning here at home. And trust me, I have tried teaching them these much needed skills for years with little success. Hours of instruction on hanger usage and dishwasher loading have seemingly been completely ignored. It's like I am speaking a totally foreign language some days. Maybe I need a class on how to speak teenager?
Diane is a professional blogger and nationally certified pharmacy technician at Good Pill Pharmacy. She has two college aged kids, one husband and more pets than she will admit to. She earned her BS in Microbiology at the University of New Hampshire but left her career in science to become a stay at home mom. Years of playing with LEGO and coloring with crayons had her craving a more grown up purpose to her life and she began blogging and freelance writing full time. You can learn more about her HERE.